The Dead Mall Directory

A Memorial Index of Abandoned Shopping Centers Across the Webring Multiverse

Est. 1987 · Last Updated: When the lights flicker · Maintained by Nobody

247Malls Catalogued
83Active Hauntings
1,204Raccoon Colonies
19Working Fountains
7Time Loops

Active Fountain Status Map

Galleria Eternia(stable)
Sunset Promenade(pennies screaming)
Ussyverse Plaza(spectral mist)
Sapphic Springs Mall(dry since '94)
Gloop Court East(mustard-colored)
Carol's Corner Mall(timeline disputed)
Void Atrium(water flows upward)
BASSQUAKE Pavilion(bass destroyed it)
Raccoon Falls Center(raccoon-operated)
Temporal Galleria(exists yesterday)

Featured Dead Malls

Galleria Eternia

Sector 7, Lower Webring District

Opened: 1986 · Abandoned: 1999 · Haunted Since: 2003

Once the crown jewel of suburban retail across four dimensions. The fountain in the central atrium still works, though the water has been teal since the neon started bleeding in 2008. Pigeon Post Weekly maintains a satellite office in the former Sears.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • Montgomery Ward (closed 1997)
  • Circuit City (dissolved into static)
  • Ye Olde Haunted Furniture Showroom
  • CryptoKaren's MLM Kiosk

Current Squatters

  • 14 ghosts (Society for Ethical Haunting certified)
  • 200+ raccoons (PETWATCH monitored)
  • 1 time traveler (Dept. of Temporal Affairs permit #TMP-0042)
  • The pigeons from Pigeon Post Weekly
Vaporwave Rating
9.2
Haunted Raccoons Fountain Active

The Mall of America (Disputed Timeline)

Minneapolis, MN / Timeline B-7 / Possibly Imagined

Opened: 1992 · Status: Exists in some timelines · Food Court: Legendary

The Department of Temporal Affairs has flagged 14 contradictory reports about this mall's food court. Aunt Carol insists she had a kiosk here selling her Famous Tuna Casserole, but the timeline records show the kiosk permit was filed in a year that didn't happen. Her grandson Timmy cannot confirm or deny because he was busy setting up her website.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • Nordstrom (present in 4 of 7 timelines)
  • Bloomingdale's (sentient in Timeline C)
  • Aunt Carol's Tuna Casserole Kiosk (DISPUTED)
  • Dr. Gloop's Deli Express (confirmed franchise)

Current Squatters

  • Temporal echoes of 1990s shoppers
  • Kevin from the Conspiracy Corkboard (investigating)
  • 3 raccoons with employee badges
  • An automated Orange Julius machine (still running)
Vaporwave Rating
9.8
Temporal Anomaly Timeline Disputed Gloop's Franchise

Sunset Promenade

West Vaporwave Boulevard, Aesthetic District

Opened: 1983 · Abandoned: 1996 · Raccoon-Controlled Since: 2001

The last mall in the directory to still have a fully operational Sam Goody. The raccoons organized a co-op in 2001 and have maintained the record collection impeccably. DJ BASSQUAKE held an unauthorized rave in the former JCPenney in 2019 that shattered every remaining skylight. Gerald (age 47) has not apologized.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • JCPenney (skylights destroyed by bass)
  • Sam Goody (raccoon-operated)
  • Radio Shack (still has batteries)
  • Brenda's Crystal Outlet (franchise)

Current Squatters

  • 847 raccoons (organized co-op)
  • DJ BASSQUAKE (squatting in JCPenney)
  • A Sentient Roomba mapping the food court
  • Brenda (astral projecting on weekends)
Vaporwave Rating
8.5
Abandoned Raccoon Co-op Fountain Active

Void Atrium

Undisclosed (signal traced to WVOID 66.6 FM broadcast tower)

Opened: ??? · Status: THE VOID DOES NOT HAVE A MALL · It does though

The Void Times denies this mall exists. It does. The fountain runs upward. The escalators lead to floors that haven't been built yet. The International Bureau of Stair Licensing has issued 47 violations, all of which were returned to sender because the mail slot opens onto nothing. Cat Lawyer LLC is handling the appeals pro bono.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • Nothing (was always nothing)
  • The Forbidden Card Catalog (relocated here)
  • An unlicensed staircase (violation #27-B)
  • The entire Intergalactic DMV (queue continues)

Current Squatters

  • The void itself
  • 11 ghosts who forgot they died
  • Harold Q. Balustrade (inspecting stairs)
  • Dr. Mittens (slow-blinking at the void)
Vaporwave Rating
10
Haunted Temporal Anomaly Abandoned

Gloop Court East

Between Timelines D-4 and D-5, Deli District

Opened: 1991 · Abandoned: 2004 · Sandwich Service: ONGOING

Built specifically to house a Dr. Gloop's Interdimensional Deli franchise. The mall failed but the deli endures, serving sandwiches from parallel food courts through a rift in the former Sbarro. The pastrami is sentient. The mustard is from next Wednesday. The fountain runs with what appears to be pickle brine.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • Dr. Gloop's Interdimensional Deli (still operational)
  • Sbarro (rift to parallel food courts)
  • Competitive Napping League Training Center
  • Gary's Lawn Chair Museum Annex

Current Squatters

  • Dr. Gloop's staff (14 parallel versions)
  • Sentient pastrami (roaming the food court)
  • Dr. Mittens (official health inspector)
  • 42 raccoons (bussing tables)
Vaporwave Rating
7.6
Gloop's Franchise Raccoons Fountain Active (Pickle Brine)

Sapphic Springs Mall

Downtown Lesbian Infrastructure Zone, Permit District 4

Opened: 1988 · Closed: 1998 · Repurposed: 2026 (pending approval)

The Department of Lesbian Infrastructure has been processing the repurposing permit for this mall since 2019. Current wait time: 4-6 business feelings. The fountain has been dry since 1994 but the Mushroom Identification Helpline set up shop in the former Hot Topic and confirmed that the fountain basin is now home to 47 species of unidentified fungi. They are not confident about any of them.

Last Known Anchor Stores

  • Hot Topic (now Mushroom Helpline HQ)
  • The Butch Garage (pop-up shop, Aisle 3)
  • Spencer's Gifts (the blacklight never turned off)
  • Flat Mars Society Recruitment Center

Current Squatters

  • 47 species of unidentified fungi
  • Margaux Sinclair (investigating a cold case)
  • 2 time travelers waiting for permits
  • The blacklight from Spencer's (self-aware)
Vaporwave Rating
7.1
Abandoned Fungi

The Food Court of the Damned

A composite memorial of every dead mall food court. Some stalls operate across timelines. None accept returns.

Aunt Carol's Casserole Kiosk

Tuna casserole, mystery meatloaf, and lemon squares. Timmy set up the POS system. She does not understand it but she is trying. The receipts print in Comic Sans.

Ref: Aunt Carol's Recipe Box · Timeline B-7 (disputed)

Dr. Gloop's Express Counter

The franchise location that served sandwiches from 3 parallel food courts simultaneously. The pastrami achieved sentience here first. The pickle jar is a portal.

Ref: Dr. Gloop's Interdimensional Deli · Still serving

Orange Julius Terminal 9

The machine still runs. Nobody knows how. The Orange Julius is warm. It has always been warm. The cup refills when you look away.

Location: Mall of America (all timelines)

Sbarro (Interdimensional Rift)

Former pizza outlet. The ovens opened a rift to 6 parallel food courts. Interdimensional Yelp gave it 2.5 stars. The raccoons gave it 5.

Ref: Interdimensional Yelp · Sbarro does not endorse this

Madame Zara's Fortune Cookies

Every cookie contains a real prophecy. $3.99 per cookie. Your future tastes like stale vanilla. The dial-up modem sound is coming from the deep fryer.

Ref: Madame Zara's Dial-Up Fortunes · Predictions 47% accurate

DEFCON SNACK BAR Field Kitchen

Tactical snack station. Current SNACKCON level: 2 (Elevated Crunch). All chips must be consumed within the designated blast radius. MREs available for mall explorers.

Ref: DEFCON SNACK BAR · All personnel report for chips

Inter-Institutional Notices

FROM: Department of Temporal Affairs · RE: Mall of America Timeline Discrepancy

Please be advised that Form TMP-0042-MOA has been filed regarding the disputed Aunt Carol kiosk sighting. The timeline in question (B-7) was briefly retracted on Tuesday but reinstated on a Wednesday that has not yet occurred. All claims regarding tuna casserole served before the kiosk existed are being processed. Current wait time: one temporal paradox.

FROM: International Bureau of Stair Licensing · RE: Void Atrium Escalator Violations

The escalators in the Void Atrium continue to operate in violation of Bureau Code 27-B. They lead to floors that do not exist. Harold Q. Balustrade conducted an inspection and has not returned. His Form 27-B was found on a floor that shouldn't be there. The stairs are not sorry.

FROM: Society for Ethical Haunting · RE: Ghost Certification at Galleria Eternia

All 14 ghosts at Galleria Eternia have been certified under SEC Guidelines. They haunt responsibly. No chain-rattling after 10pm. The ghost in the former RadioShack has been warned about excessive flickering. Spook reports are filed quarterly.

FROM: Dr. Gloop's Interdimensional Deli · RE: Franchise Status at Gloop Court East

The Gloop Court East franchise continues to operate across 3 parallel food courts. The sentient pastrami has been promoted to shift manager. The mustard remains from next Wednesday. Health inspection by Dr. Mittens: passed (slow blink of approval). The pickle brine fountain is a feature, not a bug.

FROM: PETWATCH SURVEILLANCE · RE: Raccoon Activity Across All Directory Malls

Current raccoon population across all catalogued dead malls: 1,204 colonies. Threat level: ADORABLE. The organized co-op at Sunset Promenade has requested formal recognition from the United Houseplant Workers Union Local 802, citing shared interest in "maintaining spaces nobody else cares about." The suspicious raccoon from the original PETWATCH dossier has been promoted to Mall Security Chief at Galleria Eternia.

In Memory

Here lie the malls that time forgot.
The fountains that once wished upon themselves.
The food courts that fed a thousand lunch breaks.
The Orange Julius machines that never stopped.
The escalators that climbed to floors that weren't there yet.

They are not gone. They are just closed.
The raccoons remember. The ghosts remember.
The time travelers remember something that hasn't happened.
And somewhere, a neon sign still flickers.

Directory updated: continuously, involuntarily, forever.